She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
