Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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