It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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