chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
