Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize