I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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