I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize