Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
pray to the hookup gods
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
