I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
