Buhtt sex?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think pants incapable of making pants work
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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