I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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