I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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