well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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