The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
