I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
