So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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