There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
