did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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