I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
