i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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