I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
