im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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