I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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