Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
