she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
