im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
