I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
