So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
