I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
