well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
