4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
