I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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