My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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