I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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