She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
