Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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