My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
