he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
