i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
