literally had 100 drinks last night.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
