Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
