Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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