Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
