You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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