i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
