i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
