I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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