The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
