my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My balls are so social today.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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