do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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