My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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