Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
