my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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