he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
