well I can't set my house on fire every night
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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