Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
