If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
