We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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