We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
