Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
