i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
