Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
