I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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