the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
