just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
This baby is an asshole
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
third nipple confirmed
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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