Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
