i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
