i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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