You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
